I told you so

If I’m bieng honest, I feel like I’m losing everyone in my life. And maybe it is all in my head. I admit, that’s a possibility. But even then, it shouldn’t be this way. I was doing good. I was forgetting, I was getting over you.

And you come back, to do the same thing. I told you that you always get mad and leave. Without an explanation. But you said you won’t do it again. And I don’t know why I bother everytime, giving you another chance. Opening up a spot in my life for you just to leave.

You bring out the worst and deepest emotions in me. But also the most passion. When you leave, all the anger I thought I ran from comes back. I want to scream, I want to yell, I want to cry, and I want to throw things. But I just hide it because “that isn’t who I am anymore”.

But I still feel it. I still feel it everyday. And it starts all over again: wondering why I was never enough, wondering what I did to deserve this, wondering when I’ll understand. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to be angry.

What I want is to understand. But you won’t ever give that to me will you? You won’t ever give me peace. I don’t understand why you want to me to feel pain like this.

You said you wanted me back because of how happy I made you. Don’t you think you’re selfish? All you want is what I did for you. You don’t give a damn thing about me.

You make me feel like I have to settle for hurt and pain. But I don’t ever want to settle for anything less than happiness.

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